At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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