I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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