I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
