I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Randomize
