bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
