I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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