Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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