i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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