You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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