he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
