I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
worst night to have a conscience
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
