am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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