My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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