Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
