Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize