Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
