Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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