Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
