She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
