Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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