Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They took my balls.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
