Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
