shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
