haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
