a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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