During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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