and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
