3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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