the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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