Me. At least after what I've been through.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
