Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize