I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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