I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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