Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
