i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
