I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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