Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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