I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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