I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
