maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize