? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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