it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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