I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
