hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
