I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
