So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
