How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
