when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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