Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
