I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
