Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
