This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize