How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
