I'm jealous of your bromance
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
