can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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