He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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