my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
