i was born a porn star she said
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
