im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
