I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
