We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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