My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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