dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
