I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
