I can text with my tongue
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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