I will die if light touches me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
