I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
