yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
