some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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