Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
