I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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