my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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